Broken

House undergoes treatment for his hallucinations at Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital, and quickly declares himself cured and ready to leave. The doctor in charge, Darryl Nolan, disagrees and forces House to stay by threatening not to recertify his license until he believes House is cured. A battle of wills begins until House draws closer to the sister-in-law of a catatonic patient, endangers another patient, and admits that he actually does need help.

House: "Great job. Gonna miss you. Want to start missing you as soon as possible."

Dr Darryl Nolan: "You can't go back to practicing medicine."
House: "I don't want to practice medicine. I've decided I want to be an astronaut."
Dr Darryl Nolan: "Well, if you want your state astronaut's license, you're gonna need my recommendation."

House: "Dry heaves are gone and so am I."

House: "And he's black. You'd think you'd be a little more sensitive on the slavery issue."

House: "I was deluded into thinking I might be crazy."

House: "This is a popular new treatment? Blackmail?"

House: "Is suicide taboo? Or is it just irrelevant?"

House: "I want to deal with my problems some place where I can get a decent cappuccino."

House: "Seriously, anorexia? Were you supposed to be a girl? And in answer to your implicit question, yes those pants make you look fat."

House: "So how upset were you when you woke up in the ER and you were still alive? And a failure?"

House: "It's table tennis, not table volleyball, and with no net, it's table nothing."

House: "Then we can assume the girl he's with is named 'Nooner'"

House: "You're my only friend. And I hate you."

House: "How come every time you compliment me it sounds like an accusation?"

House: "What exactly is the difference between pretending to cooperate and actually cooperating?"

House: "Hi. It's like hello only shorter."

House: "I started to connect with one guy but then my propensity for screwing things up overtook me. And then my desire to have fun overcame my propensity."

House: "Successes only last until someone screws them up. Failures are forever."

House: "We're all pathetic. It's what makes everything interesting."

House: "Cut your wrists, huh?"
Dr Beasley: "Greg, there are certain topics."
House: "Oh, I'm sorry. Is suicide taboo? Gosh, if I've broken a rule on my first day, I will kill myself."
Dr Beasley: "Group's over."
House: "That flew by."

Dr Beasley: "I know you're scheming, working on your next elaborate plan to get out of here. Why don't you put the plan on hold for a few days? See what happens. Just let me do my job. If you prefer private to group, we can do that, maybe try some SSRIs. If you think nothing's working, you can always go back to your schemes."
House: "God, if only you'd said that two minutes ago, before I came out with my new scheme. Now I'm committed. Ha. Get it?"

Dr Darryl Nolan: "So your proof of your well-being is that you lied?"
House: "Manipulated."

House: "I see you've got some cello in your trunk. And no, that's not a euphemism."

House: "Just open up?"
Dr Darryl Nolan: "Just open up. Trust."
House: "Strangers?"
Dr Darryl Nolan: "We'll start with strangers then work our way up. If it helps, I find "Hello" to be an excellent icebreaker."

Lydia: "You're not gay."
House: "No, but I have to tell intimate secrets to people."
Lydia: "Maybe they should be true."
House: "Hadn't thought of that. To be on the safe side, I should probably do both, starting with the fun ones."

Dr Darryl Nolan: "You having fun?"
House: "I did connect with one guy. But the my propensity for screwing things up overtook me. Then my desire to have fun overcame my propensity."

Dr Darryl Nolan: "Who's that woman you were with in the parking lot?"
House: "When you deflect, it's more effective when you're not that transparent."

Dr Darryl Nolan: "Why do you value your failures more than your successes?"
House: "My mother caught me masturbating... to pictures of her mother."
Dr Darryl Nolan: "Can we get past these cute deflections?"