Here Kitty

A nursing home worker, Morgan, fakes an illness to get House to examine a cat which can predict the death of elderly patients. House doesn't believe it until Morgan becomes ill for real.

House: "The Democrats and their socialized medicine; I'm only allowed to waste useless tests on sick people."

House: "From now on, I'll use two markers -- only the green one will indicate irony."

House: "Have you tried to pee on yourself in public? Not easy."

House: "What are you worried about? You just get sued for the cost of treatment, maybe spend a night in jail for larceny. I have to tell one of my employees he was right."

House: "Cats make terrible doctors. Oh wait, I'm thinking of women; you're screwed."

House: "If you're here to kill me and rape me, please do it in that order."

House: "Of course I've heard of your cat. For a second, I was worried you were crazy."

House: "Can you come back later? I have some business I'm conducting with the prince of Nigeria."

House: "She's faking. The cat told me."

House: "But nutjobs get sick, too. Or Michael Jackson would still be a living human being."

House: "Anything would sound ridiculous if you said it in that voice."

House: "Why didn't we listen to Ted Nugent? He tried to warn us, damnit."

House: "I know Goodbye Kitty is not going to predict anyone's death."

House: "When you don't die tonight, you'll have finally done something good for the world as opposed to your life as a... fireman."

House: "If only there was a 'lawsuit cat' who could warn you."

House: "It's not so much about 'caring' per se; more about me wondering why you're a credulous idiot."

House: "You think she's faking some stuff and not other stuff? Maybe she's an 'Unchausen?"

House: "Weaklings and cowards generally make lousy employees."

House: "You'll note how Faster Pussycat Kill has snuggled up to coma guy."

House: "I do not believe in the oracat of Delphi."

House: "Love to hear more of your theory, but I don't give a crap."

House: "The fish played so compellingly by Don Knotts?"

House: "You mean the theory about Cuddy's ass getting bigger at the full moon? I confirmed that one; photos on my blog."