Joy to the World

House and his team deal with a bullied girl who collapses during her school's Christmas program. Meanwhile, Foreman and Thirteen grow closer during the Huntington's disease drug trials, House gives a patient a gift, the staff wonder who gave House a special gift, and Cuddy gets an unexpected gift.

Patient: "I'm a virgin, so is my fiancé."
House: "I believe him."
Patient: "Are there other ways I could get pregnant? Like...sitting on a toilet seat?"
House: "Absolutely. There would need to be a guy sitting between you and a toilet seat, but yes, absolutely. I was doing so well..."

House: "Why have Foreman's breasts suddenly started to droop?"

House: "It's almost like you have a sexual interest in someone here. Like, say... Taub?"

House: "And depending where this school falls on the 'Heathers' scale..."

House: "When have teachers ever known how to motivate their students?"

House: "Why don't you hang out in the video store and tell everyone Kevin Spacey's Keyser Soze? And by the way, that ending really made no sense at all."

House: "Have you checked the prices for Fireman strippers recently?"

House: "If I wanted gifts, I'd just look deeply into my patients' eyes and act like you. 'I'm so sorry you're dying, Mrs. Moron. Of course I'll sleep with you. What I lack in skill, I make up for in --"

House: "I'm physically incapable of being polite."

House: "Oh, I get it... you're trying to get me to prove you wrong, and then I'll be nice to all my patients this whole holiday season and then Mr. Potter won't steal Tiny Tim's porridge."

House: "You're right; I'm a jerk."

House: "You know that from an anal swab? Man, you're good."

House: "I hate spunk."

House: "If you can't be nice, why bother being a doctor?"

House: "You keep showing up; you also keep leaving. It's possible you have the hots for me but really, really hate this kid. It's also remotely possible I have that reversed."

House: "No, you weren't a loser in high school; every Tom, Dick and Hershel was wet-dreaming about you."

House: "You got any patients who aren't idiots?"

House: "Either you're telling the truth. Or you're playing chicken. Or you're really really dumb. Either way's pretty interesting."