Lucky Thirteen

Thirteen brings her one-night stand to the hospital after the woman has a seizure. However, the woman admits she slept with Thirteen so she could get to House and have him diagnose her condition. Meanwhile, House continues to pay Lucas to spy on Wilson.

House: "Thirteen, go stick a needle into your girlfriend's pelvis; and, no, that one wasn't a metaphor. Suck out some marrow; that one was."

House: "You're fired."
Thirteen: "What? You just defended me!"
House: "No, I just prevented you from taking a drug test. Probably saved your career. I'm already responsible for one doctor with a drug habit."
Thirteen: "I don't have a drug habit!"
House: "The slutty party girl is fun till she pukes on your shoes. Then she's just a pain in the ass."

Lucas: "What does that even mean, 'dating a hooker'?"
House: "He's an idiot with a messiah complex. Savior to all who need saving. That's why his first wife had a wooden leg, second wife was Canadian. He's the one who needs to be saved."
Lucas: "From you or the ho?"
House: "The ho's just using him for his money. Wait, bad example."
Lucas: "Normally in situations, I'd follow the girl, find something embarrassing to show him. But since that's our starting position..."

Foreman: "Do you think I'm boring?"
Chase: "Yes."
Foreman: "You're saying that just to screw with me."
Chase: "Yeah! Why would you expect anything else?"
Foreman: "I expect House to pull my strings, I expect Cameron to make me feel better, I expect the new team to kiss my ass, and I expect you to be honest, 'cause you don't give a crap."
Chase: "Yes. You're boring. That speech was boring."
Foreman: "Thanks so much."
Chase: "You don't let other people's problems affect you. You don't let your own problems affect you, and it's the screw-ups that make us interesting. You're never out of control, which is good... and boring. Never losing control means you're never putting yourself out there, never pushing your limits. On the other hand, you do have a tattoo, so maybe I'm wrong."

House: "Another life saved by girl-on-girl action."

House: "You're just mad because the whole time she was doing you, she was thinking about my big...throbbing...diagnostic skills."

House: "Oh yeah! Penthouse Forum meets medical mystery, maybe there is a god."

House: "What about me speeding away says to you: 'let's chat?"

House: "Oh my goodness, I played a practical joke on my best friend and he's badly injured, if only I'd learned this valuable lesson earlier."

House: "Empty, transient sex? I've been waiting for you to spin out of control ever since you got your Huntington's diagnosis, but this is more than I dared hope for."

House: "Is he in this room? Because if he's not, I don't care what he thinks -- unless he's a she and she was there last night too in which case I care deeply."

House: "Of course, I'm a very permissive, understanding chaperone. So feel free to ignore me, especially if you feel like kissing or groping or showering or..."

House: "I'm just not sure if he's working for Hirohito or the New England Patriots."

House: "You're just upset that the whole time she was with you, she was thinking about my huge, throbbing diagnostic skills."

House: "People interest me. Conversations don't."

House: "Maybe he was doing something he thinks I'll mock him for. Like... just about anything."

House: "Eight units in this building; gotta be a pervert like me living in at least one of 'em."

House: "Haven't sat on this couch in four months. It still remembers my cheeks."

House: "He's an idiot with a Messiah complex, savior to all who need saving; it's why his first wife had a wooden leg, it's why his second wife was Canadian. He's the one who needs to be saved."

House: "Does the word 'fired' have a whole other definition that I'm not aware of?"

House: "You had no choice; where do you go after fake hooker girlfriend?"

House: "Oh my god, you invoked your dead girlfriend's name to sell me. You're my hero."

House: "It was either this or put on 'Brian's Song,' but I didn't have time to stop by Wilson's."

House: "It's like you and men. Just because you usually don't doesn't mean you can't."

House: "Another life saved by girl on girl action."

House: "Best nipples in Princeton."