Paternity

A 16-year old high school student, Dan, starts suffering from nightmares and frequent hallucinations, and he reveals he was hit in the head while playing lacrosse at school. Dan is apparently suffering from MS, and risky brain surgery is needed. Meanwhile House must deal with a patient looking to set up a lawsuit and a mother who doesn't believe in vaccinations.

Chase: "It doesn't necessarily have to be that bad. If we exclude the night terrors it could be something systemic: his liver, kidneys, something outside the brain."
House: "Yes, feel free to exclude any symptom if it makes your job easier."

House: "Perseverance does not equal worthiness."

House: "Another reason I don't like meeting patients. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you."

House: "Could we get off my screw-ups and focus on theirs? Theirs are bigger."

House: "When did my signature get so girly?"
Cameron: "I can explain."
House: "See that "G," see how it makes a big loop on top? It doesn't even look like my handwriting. Think I have something? What's the differential diagnosis for writing Gs like a junior high school girl?"

Chase: "It doesn't necessarily have to be that bad. If we exclude the night terrors it could be something systemic: his liver, kidneys, something outside the brain."
House: "Yes, feel free to exclude any symptom if it makes your job easier."

Cameron: "What about sex?"
House: "Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that."
Cameron: "I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis."
House: "Heh, nice cover."

House: "Thirty percent of all dads out there don't realize they're raising someone else's kid."
Foreman: "From what I've read false paternity is more like ten percent."
House: "That's what our moms would like us to believe."
Cameron: "Who cares? If he got it from his parents they'd both be dead by now, can we get on with the differential diagnosis?"
House: "Fifty bucks says I'm right."
Foreman: "I'll take your money."
House: "Hit a nerve? Don't worry, Foreman, I'm sure the guy who tucked you in at night was your daddy."
Foreman: "Make that a hundred dollars."

Cuddy: "What are you doing back here? A patient?"
House: "No, a hooker. Went to my office instead of my home."

House: "—the cutest little tennis outfit! My God, I thought I was going to have a heart attack! Oh my! I didn't see you there - That is so embarrassing..."
Cuddy: "How's your hooker doing?"

Patients' Mother: "How can you just sit there?"
House: "If I eat standing up, I spill."

Foreman: "No neurologist in his right mind would recommend that."
House: "Show of hands: who thinks I'm not in my right mind? [nobody moves] And who thinks I forget this very basic neurological fact? [nobody moves again] Who thinks there's a third option?"
[Chase raises his hand]
House: "Very good. What's the third choice?"
Chase: "No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one."

Chase: "Hey, Dan, isn't Dr. Cameron's necklace a beauty? Something South American, I think."
Cameron: "Yeah, Guatemalan."
Dan: "It's a cool necklace."
Cameron: " [looks down, realizes Dan can see down her shirt, then speaks to Chase] Thank you SO much."
Chase: "The kid's in pain."